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"The word 'fuck' is common enough today to appear in my dictionary. It is noted as "obscene"; its origin unknown. Someone once told me that it was an abbreviation 'for unlawful carnal knowledge.'"

by Jack Rinella
*from The Master's Manual

I suppose that for the sensibilities' sake I ought to come up with a better title for this column. But as I sit here typing, I can't. You see, not only do I like the activity of fucking, I like the word.

I like it for its "shock" value, for the way it flies in the faces of those who want to sanitize, legitimatize, and civilize the wonderfully basic and primal event called sexual intercourse.

The word "fuck" is common enough today to appear in my dictionary. It is noted as "obscene"; its origin unknown. Someone once told me that it was an abbreviation "for unlawful carnal knowledge." I don't know if it is or not, since no one has ever taught me anything about fucking, or sexual intercourse for that matter.

My parents didn't, neither did the priest who explained (if that's what you called it) sex to me and the other boys in my eighth grade class.

My friend Jack borrowed a book on sex from the library when we were high school sophomores, but instructions other than the sketchy paragraph in there were non-existent.

I was well into my own coming-out process when I first fucked my friend Mike. At the time he was a trick I had picked up at a local bar. I remember him wanting to be fucked early that Sunday morning. I obliged, and was astounded to see that he really liked having a cock (my cock) up his ass.

I, of course, didn't try the same feat with my anus until a good three years later. And yes, it hurt the first time. And yes, sometimes it still hurts.

Those of you who still think that leather is about clothing, ought to know that leather is also about fucking.

Of course, it's about a lot of other things as well. And there are a large number of ways to have great leather and still not fuck. In the age of AIDS, that's no wonder, I'm sure. But if you see leather as striving toward ecstasy and bonding, then chances are you're going to be part of a scene where a finger, cock, prick, dick, or penis (choose one) is inserted into an ass, anus, vagina, pussy, or cunt (choose one).

No one ever (except in utero) comes as close to another person as when he (or she) is inside the other, or conversely as when he or she has the other person inside them. The receptive part can squeeze and caress the inserted member. For its part the inserter can stroke and poke the insertee in wonderfully sensuous ways. The result is pleasure.

For the top, the pleasure often leads to orgasm. Surprisingly, many bottoms don't come when being fucked, but do get significant enjoyment and satisfaction in the activity. For those comfortable and knowledgeable in the techniques of love-making (another euphemism for fucking), orgasm remains the end (as in purpose) of sex but the act of sex is widely regarded as much greater than the orgasm itself.

In fact for many leather folk, orgasm is overshadowed by all the pleasures derived before orgasm.

In light of AIDS, many partners refrain from orgasm during fucking. Even though they go at it with a high margin of safety by using condoms and a virucidal lubricant, they withdraw prior to orgasm and have their ejaculation outside of their partner's body.

I admit that my writing takes a definitive male predilection in these lines so I'll have to ask my female readers to use their imaginations when it comes to their being "insertive". That poses no more problem, I'm sure, than it does for male readers to be "receptive."

The whole point of fucking is, after all, intimacy and we should be and can be creative in ways to accomplish that goal. The physical inclusion of one's member in another's body is only one way that fucking accomplishes its objective. The bonds of unity in SM fucking (i.e., safe, sane, and consensual) are formed with one's emotions as well as ones flesh and blood.

We in the Western World don't often consider the energies of our ethereal bodies. Those of the East, particularly those who practice Yoga, Tantra, or any of those related Buddhist, Vedic, and Hindu Philosophies, have much to teach us in this area. Suffice it to say that there is more to fucking than just fucking. What has always attracted me to leather is the willingness of its adherents to explore, experiment, and actually devote time, energy, and thought to sex and sexual pleasure.

I'm not advocating the quick fuck that turns a trick into an object, a "fucker" into no more than a human dildo, though there are certainly enough reasons to have a quickie now and again. In the early days of several of my relationships it was not uncommon to do it on the couch during a half hour lunch break.

But serious fucking, like anything else worth doing, takes time. Develop your technique, prepare the space, go at it slowly, build to climax. The operative words here are "slowly". Make fucking playful, while keeping it deliberate and varied. I was going to add the word tender, then thought about fucking being rough, and finally realized that the best word is varied, since both tender and rough have their place in intimacy.

There are times for ramming one's rod or riding an erect cock as if it were a wildly rocking horse but the best fucks are crafted with a gradual rise toward climax. Some even advocate that one develop the ability to have an orgasm without ejaculation so that multiple orgasms become possible in a shorter period of time.

Our culture has a fundamental prejudice against sex. I've railed enough against that premise already. Americans, and probably most of the societies on this planet, are embarrassed and ashamed about fucking. Hence the lack of available instruction (not to mention unwanted pregnancy and sexual disfunction).

I mentioned to a friend that I was writing about fucking and he said "Why? What's to learn?" Because attitudes about sex as "being private" and "being dirty" are our misguided. We choose to pretend that satisfactory sex is merely instinctual, needs no prompting, and is best gotten over with as soon as possible. In my adolescence intercourse was discussed in terms of "marital obligations, procreation, and the alleviation of concupiscence."

Those are hardly terms that engender pleasure. Fucking is about pleasure. Make that pleasure with care, responsibility, and intimacy. Make it safe fucking, but make it fun.

Learn how to fuck -- and how to get fucked. Read, watch, discuss. Approach fucking as a blessing. The world will be a better place if we do.

Copyright 2000 by Jack Rinella. This material may not be copied in any manner. For permission to reproduce this essay, contact

*This material was published in The Master's Manual By Jack Rinella, Daedalus Publishing, 1994. Follow the link to order.

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