week bobby and I spent a day and a night at Michael's.
It was a relaxed day for Mike and I while bobby did some
extra scrubbing and caught up on some domestic chores
for Michael. Yes, having a lover who has a slave (even
it it's only part time) has its benefits. Later that night,
after a fine dinner and a soak in the Jacuzzi, the three
of us played.
the course of our leathersex I paddled bobby and handed
the instrument of discipline to Michael. God, that (lover)
boy needs lessons. The gentle taps that Michael administered
were no challenge at all, even to bobby's sensitized butt.
I love Michael but he's no Master material! His taps were
weak and tentative, with neither conviction nor pain.
dint of inexperience, Michael is no master. He lacks confidence
in his "ability" to administer pain.
week's Marks of a Master really short changed one of the
more important qualifications of a true master: a self-image
that has confidence in its own abilities to dominate.
It's giving oneself permission to be assertive, to control,
to demand. In no uncertain terms, a master has to be secure
in his feelings about being selfish.
confidence that a Master has to wield extends further
than to the end of a whip. Certainly the admission that
one is a sadist and has the right to enjoy sadistic activity
is part of a master's character. Sadism, though, is only
one of the ways that dominance is exercised, albeit a
shows itself in one's ability to do what one likes, to
order others to do one's bidding, and to enjoy the results
of one's control over others. By culture and ethics we
often feel that to allow others to serve us is somehow
wrong. It takes ownership of one's mastery to sit back
while another obeys.
natural, or at least cultural bias, is to help others
in their chores. Even guests often feel the compunction
to help with the dishes, so to speak. To let a slave prepare,
serve, and attend to all the duties of a good dinner and
then to walk away from the table as he cleans up the mess,
takes courage and the belief that one has the right to
be served, especially when it's done night after night.
not talking about sharing duties. We're talking about
being having a slave work for you. There's no fifty-fifty
stuff in this relationship. Instead there is a strict
hierarchy of authority, enforced by whatever means the
recently commented that I didn't look like a 38 year old.
(I'm not.) I failed the see the humor in his words and
told him so. The next time he said that I grabbed a paddle
and punished him. The other night at dinner Lynn didn't
like bobby's attitude so he simply told me to "give
bobby five good ones" on a "cold" ass.
was no prep to the punishment, no building up to the pain.
I didn't use a crop or belt. I just went at him with my
clothes brush (reserved for punishment only). You get
my point, the master/slave relationship is authoritarian.
The master has to be able to be an authority.
there's always a place for civility, manners are different
between master and slave. There is no need to reciprocate.
Lynn and I often have bobby satisfy our sexual needs while
the slave boy who has taken care of us is made to go unrequited.
Those are Lynn's testicles that bobby carries and they
will be milked for his master's, not his own, pleasure.
not our job to please our slave. It is his job to please
us. It takes confidence to live the dictum that the only
reason for a slave to be in his master's presence is for
the pleasure of the master.
slaves have benefits as well, though one might be hard
pressed to call blue balls a benefit. bobby, though, enjoys
the feelings that heightened sexual awareness give him.
Going days, even more than a week, without an orgasm energizes
bobby and makes him feel more productive.
behavior has its rewards for both master and masochist.
Inflicting pain, reddening a butt, and leaving marks are
the owner's prerogative. A master has to have the confidence
to speak in exactly those terms. He has to be able to
see his slave as property, chattel, a mere toy. Inflicting
pain is one way to "take ownership," though
it is by no means the only one.
is what makes the relationship work. The slave has freely
and fully given him or herself to the master. The master
has confidence that the gift is complete and that he has
the right to enjoy the gift in whatever way he wishes.
bobby, and I went to the Eagle last Saturday night. There
were no convenient parking spaces, so bobby was instructed
to drop us off and find a parking space. After our socializing
was done, bobby was told to go get the car for us. Without
hesitation, bobby knew that his slavery meant it was his
mater's pleasure to use him as a chauffeur. Like I said,
there's more to slaving than sex and sadism.
fact is what separates tops and bottoms from masters and
slaves. Yes, the two or three hour playtime that we all
enjoy is the rule rather than the exception. Relationships
such as the ones that Lynn, Mike, bobby, and I share are
unique to say the least. There are a lot of qualities
that make our leather family "work," not the
least of which is Lynn's steadfast authority that stems
from the indisputable fact that he believes in himself.
hesitation, and doubt can be covered in a "play scene"
but not in real life.
therein lies the surprise. From the opening paragraphs
of this column one might get the idea that Michael is
weak. That is the furthest thing from the truth. Instead
he is strong, determined, and steadfast. He has a successful
professional career, a beautiful home, two closely committed
relationships, and financial stability.
is a master at work, a bottom at play. He's no slave but
his love and trust allow him to give himself as fully
as he wants, which happily is just what I like. You see,
this confidence stuff works two ways. Slaves and bottoms
need to be confident as well, both in their ability to
serve and their master's ability to rule.
so we come back to the beginning. Confidence is necessary
for any human relationship to work. The more there is
trust, the more the relationship can deepen, intensify,
and have satisfaction. And how do you get confidence?
There's a topic for another week!
1995 by Jack Rinella. This material may not be copied
in any manner. For permission to reproduce this essay,
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