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"If sex between us is great, it's because we share our feelings about it and are able to discuss freely it and openly. Though none of us is lacking in the genitalia department, the fact of the matter is that our largest sex organs are our brains. "

Making Good Sex Better
by Jack Rinella

I've recently noticed that sexual activity with both Mike and Lynn has been wonderful. With either partner I'm able to experience intense emotional and physical states of pleasure.

I don't want to sound like I'm bragging, but I think that it doesn't get any better than this. Why do I say that? Well there are definite signs that point to deep mutual satisfaction: groans, moans, and sighs; exhaustion when it's over; multiple orgasms and orgasms without ejaculation. I experience profound relaxation and heightened ecstacy.

Mike and I had sex three times one night last week --- that means that we're doing something right!

My analytical mind tried to figure all this out. To say that sex at the age of 48 is better than sex at the age of 24 is a gross understatement. What makes it better?

For the sake of convenience, I'm going to write in the singular person, but remarkably, what I say applies to either of the relationships with my significant others. Not only do I get it good, but I get it good from two different men.

For someone as promiscuous as I it seems strange to write that the closeness of our relationship is what makes it so good. From the beginning we have tried to be honest with our feelings and open with our thoughts. Our years of being together (three with Lynn, two with Mike) have allowed us to get to know each other very well.

That is very important. Knowledge begets trust, overcomes obstacles, finds solutions, fosters creativity, and helps us to be relaxed with, and understanding of, each other. I know what he likes. He knows my preferences as well. There is something to be said, in fact a lot to be said, for having a steady lover.

My feeling is that the sex is also better with Mike because we're seeing more of each other. Since he moved in from the far Western suburbs we're able to spend several nights a week together. More time together actually translates into more quality time together.

Luckily for us, that has been the case. We've been "going out" with each other and doing some chores together. Doing so is one of the things that has made sex with each other better. The first suggestion, then, is to improve sex by doing things besides having sex.

The second improvement (but who's counting?) came when I discovered that Mike likes verbal abuse. I tend to be a bit on the quiet side when it comes to sexual play. Recently, though, I've made a concentrated effort to be vocal towards him and the effect has been pleasant for both of us. So now I swear at Mike as he sucks my cock and it turns both of us on.

I'm consciously doing the same with Lynn. Instead of swearing at him, though, I am praising, actually talking to him and to parts of his body in loving and laudatory ways. It's the opposite of what I do with Mike, but the effect is the same!

The next attribute that comes to mind is intensity. None of us are afraid to be intense. We can "let go" because we are so sure of the other. I don't fear that I will turn my partner off and he feels the same way about me. So the pleasurable result is that we have no (OK, few) inhibitions.

We are free to talk about what we feel and free to do it as well. There is neither fear of rejection nor fear of refusal between us, even though we're always free to say no.

From intensity, or maybe as part of it, flows concentration. Or is it the other way around? Sex is better when you focus your self on giving pleasure to your partner or do the opposite and focus on receiving pleasure, depending on the kind of relationship you share.

So with Lynn, I abandon, or try to, any thoughts about my own body and its feelings as I direct my full attention to pleasing him. With Mike, I assume a dominant role so that I only think of my own pleasure and open myself to experience every bit of the joy that he creates in me. In one instance, I am fully active. In the other, I am fully passive.

That paragraph needs to be qualified. Each "part" of our sex play holds a different characteristic. I'm not always passive, not always active. When worshipping my master's cock, I'll be pro-active, even zealous to please. When he changes the course of the action, for example, by whipping me, then I'm liable to shift my attitude into one of complete acceptance and passivity.

Similar changes occur between Michael and me. I will, for instance, lie back and tell him to make me feel good at one time, then grab a paddle and make myself feel good by beating the hell out of him. In either case, there is concentration which leads to intensity.

Another technique that I have learned is to consciously try to do more than one thing at once. Use as many body parts at the same time as possible. During oral sex, for instance, suck the cock or labia (depending on your preference) while using your fingers to play with your partner's tits. Simultaneously, use the palms of your hands to massage the breasts or pecs, rub your stomach or sides and arms on his or her thighs, and use your feet to touch his feet, all while saying sweet nothings.

Get the idea? I know that all that sounds like over-kill, but it can be done. The best cock-suckers often stroke the cock they are sucking and they will use both hands to do it. I'm sure you get the picture.

Another technique is to pause once in a while. Take a break from the sexual activity to have a drink (usually water or soda) or just to rest and catch your breath. Allow yourselves to move with the natural ebb and flow of the activity. Don't feel like you have to do this or that. There's always more time later. That "three time" night took several hours, to say the least.

Though the second session followed the first rather quickly, the third only happened after I woke Mike up in the middle of the night.

Planning helps too. Mike and I will often play around in the morning after a night of sleeping together. Sometimes, in view of the days's schedule, I make it a point of not having an orgasm, since I know that builds our libido for another encounter later.

All of this isn't cast in stone. There are times when I've had an orgasm as the result of a before dinner quickie with Mike. The after dessert doings back in the bedroom can be all the more fulfilling since the earlier activity took off the edge and made longer, more intimate, contact possible. Mike often jokes about getting me off before we have sex so I will last longer later. That kind of stuff comes from familiarity and the freedom to be ourselves.

If sex between us is great, it's because we share our feelings about it and are able to discuss freely it and openly. Though none of us is lacking in the genitalia department, the fact of the matter is that our largest sex organs are our brains. No matter when, where, or with whom you have sex, use the head in your skull, not in your penis. Think, plan, praise, play, etc, but do it safely.

Copyright 1999 by Jack Rinella. This material may not be copied in any manner. For permission to reproduce this essay, contact

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